look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
