You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
