i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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