super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
