There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
this hospital has no fireball
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
