Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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