Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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