i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
