i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
