Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
