what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
