Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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