Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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