I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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