You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
