k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
