i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
