he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
