I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Your penis caused this!
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