Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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