Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
