I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
