Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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