Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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