You just made me feel so damn special
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize