i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize