Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
