Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
