How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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