So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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