mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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