I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
