Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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