I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will be naked everywhere
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
