someone get that fucking seahorse.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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