all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
