I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
