Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You made out with two different species that night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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