can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I didn't notice because vodka
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
