I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
