Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize