I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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