We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize