So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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