I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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