kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
did i just pee glitter
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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