there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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