Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
