I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize