HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
