i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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