Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
