I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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