There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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