i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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