Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
