We're facebook friends in real life
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize