it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
