it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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