She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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