You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
