Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
