i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
