i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
