I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
