I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
