the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
