Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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