my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
