Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
