were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
