i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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