I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
