Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
