so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
