Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
