Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
