I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize