Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
