ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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