All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
