I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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