i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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