Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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