living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
