dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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