Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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