He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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