I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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