how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
