I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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