Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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