This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
