my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
