I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
