Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
