The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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