If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
