My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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