12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
