Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
